The Cheerleader

I’ve never really been afraid of tornadoes. You see, I’m an Arkansas girl, born and raised. I remember the thrilling nights as a kid when my mother pulled us from our beds and we’d spend what seemed like all night giggling under a mattress in the hall with flashlights and teddy bears. It was fun. 

And I’ve seen the aftermath, the piles of rubble, the death counts on the news. But you see, I’m an optimist. And all these things I have seen from an emotional distance. So the prevailing theme to them all is the hope that humans are able to cling to, the stories of survival. So I’ve never really been afraid of tornadoes. 

So on Sunday, April 27, when the weather man said the forecast was a mix for disaster, we decided we’d go ahead with our move to Vilonia anyway. We already had the UHaul. The house was in boxes. The helping hands had signed up. Our new house has a concrete basement. We’ll be safe, we thought. 

We were. 

While 20 people ate hot dogs and potato salad in the basement, the wall cloud blew over our mountain to the valley beyond it. The TV showed the eye of the storm directly over Cody Ln. And I stood on the front porch and saw the sucking black sky twirl in the distance. And for the first time that day, a fear swelled up because I knew that street. Because I’d traveled over the mountain just days before to that street. I’d stood in a house with a red door with my precious friend April, while our sons played in the yard. I’d marveled at her garden patch and seedlings and thought how much I loved her when she’d showed me her Hobby Lobby project, letters that spelled “Smith” above the door jam. “I spaced them out,” she said, “because I didn’t want to copy you.” 

I couldn’t reach her. The storm had moved on but she wasn’t answering. We prayed for them as the minutes passed. Five, then ten, then the rain stopped and the sky stilled. But she didn’t answer my calls. “Call Daniel,” I told Miah. But he grabbed the keys instead. He and Jud got in the truck and left. I don’t know….I think he knew somehow. The way he was praying…it was different. He wasn’t asking for safety but for peace and I found it odd. I was afraid. 

Time passed. He should have been there but the phone kept reaching voicemail. She wasn’t answering and now he wasn’t either. The group of guys that had been unloading our Uhaul left to go help. My texts to him grew in desperation. 

Did it hit them? 

Are they ok? 

Honey, are they ok? 

Please tell me if it hit them. 

Please tell me they are ok. 

Are they hurt? 

Are they alive? 

Miah, please tell me they are alive. 

And then he responded.   I can't.  

A blur. Calls to our pastor’s wife. Praying. Crying. And then another message  

April and Daniel are alive right now but the boys are gone, honey. 

I don’t know what else happened for a while. My face was on the floor and my sister was there hugging me. Stephanie and I, both mothers, both friends of April, wailed. And only one prayer, a prayer more desperate than any I have ever prayed in my life, left my lips. “God, please, not this for her.” 

It’s been a long couple of days. Little sleep. Lots of calls and messages. A group of men from the church went to the site and gathered what they could of the Smiths’ belongings. The house is completely gone.

Back in the fall, April and Daniel were still living in Sherwood. They received a 30 day notice that they needed to move so the owner of their home could sell it. She started to worry but in true April-fashion, she said “I know God will provide”. Just a week or so later she told me about the house they had found in Vilonia, about how perfect it was. The owners wanted to work with them to get them in it. It was just. so. perfect. It even had the red front door she had always wanted. 

So, you see, I was angry. Because I knew God put them in that house. And it was no act of violence or human mistake that took their sons’ lives. It was an EF4 tornado, a mile wide, and it sucked everything that seemed so perfect off the foundation that God had given. I was SO angry. 

I’ve always called her the cheerleader. Because she was one once, in a pom poms and pyramids sense, but because she still is now, in a bible and faith sense. She is who I call when my faith is stretched. And every time I hang up the phone, I’ve been reminded of how big and how good and how strong my God is. 

I spent these angry couple of days questioning why God would take those boys and why he would take the best cheerleader he had. Because who could still cheer for their God after this? 

The thing is though, my faith is not April’s faith. It never has been. 

Last night, we walked in the hospital room to see her. While Jeremiah and I held her hands and kissed her face, she wept. She had questions about that night. She had heard that Jeremiah found the boys and she told him she was comforted it was him because she knew he would have prayed over them. We all cried. A wise, young friend of ours sent us a message of encouragement yesterday that we were able to share with April. 

  

She shared the following scriptures: 

  

Isaiah 55: 8-11 

8 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. 

9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. 

10 “The rain and snow come down from the heavensand stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. 

11 It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.

Jeremiah shared with her what a comfort it was for him to think that everyone is here for a purpose, for God’s purpose not for our own fulfillment. And when their purpose is reached, they GET to go home. He repeated Taylor’s words to her, “How incredible it was that Tyler and Cameron were able to serve their purpose in such a short time, when it takes some people 100 years”. I told her how angry I had been, grappling with the truth that this was allowed, arranged even. 

And my beautiful friend, my cheerleader, laid in the hospital bed with her broken body and battered, beautiful face and held my hands and told me not to be angry because her God is good. She knew that her sons had fulfilled their purpose in life and that they were with the father now. 

Tyler has always talked about heaven. About how he can’t wait to get there. She said she thought it was because he heard them saying how wonderful it would be…some day. But he looked at her Sunday afternoon, before the storm, and told her he was ready to go to heaven. “Will you miss me?” he asked her. “Well yes,” she said, “but let’s not talk like that now.” “How long will you miss me?” he persisted. And she just smiled and said, “I guess until I see you again.” 

“I have peace,” she told me last night through her tears, “I know I have more pain to go through that I probably can understand. But I have supernatural peace. I don’t know what God has for me and my husband that our boys couldn’t be here for, but I do know that He is good. His plan is good.” 

I don’t understand this kind of faith. Because I think every parent who has heard this story since Sunday has wondered, “How do you live through that?” 

For those of you who have been worried about April and Daniel, worried that they would not be the same, that they could not carry on past this loss, please don’t worry any more. I have seen her hope. It is anchored in eternity. It is the kind of hope that saves people. And that’s not just the optimist in me talking. 

For those of you wondering how a mother could serve a God that might allow this, understand that Tyler and Cameron knew Jesus. Just a couple of weeks ago, they led a friend to Christ. They aren’t over. Their story hasn’t reached the end. They aren’t even really gone. They’ve just moved for now. 

We will miss them. Like April told Tyler on his last day on earth, we will miss them until we see them again, April and Daniel more than any of us. While none of us understand it, we must take up her lead and know that even still, God is good. And we must understand that while we may love these boys, God loves them infinitely more. He loves them perfectly. And with his knowledge of the lives and futures of the Smiths, God took them home. 

But he left their mom and dad. Somehow, though every bit of that house was ripped from the foundation, April and Daniel will live. They will tell this story and honor Tyler and Cameron’s lives. Masses of people will know Jesus because of this story. Because we cannot fathom this strength. 

When I left the hospital last night, I just cried and thought “She is so strong. She is so faithful. She is so selfless. She is so beautiful”. And it hit me. April is all of these things because she allows herself, even in the midst of this tragedy, to be a reflection of our strong, faithful, selfless, beautiful Savior. 

They are greatly broken. But they will mend. They haven’t fulfilled what God has for them yet. But they will. Because while she could be angry, and she may be at some point, she is holding tight to the only thing she has left: 

The truth that GOD IS GOOD. ALL THE TIME. 

  

I asked her if I could take her photo, so she could have it later when she told her story. 

She told me to show you all now. And to tell you… her God can overcome even this.  

My friend. Who remains the most beautiful woman I know. 

April, the cheerleader. 

About a year ago, our home church (Thatchurch.com) in Sherwood, AR, told April's life story. This post has gone absolutely viral. Millions have heard the testimony of April's faith. She is showing hundred's of thousands to Christ. Watch the video of her story, and you will understand a little of the plan she is so sure God has. 

Added May 9, 2014- Also, if you would like to watch the funeral services for Tyler and Cameron Smith, please go here. 

To donate to the Smith family, go here.

One Thousand Words.

What would you do if you woke up tomorrow to the booming voice of God saying, “You have 1,000 words left and then your life is over”?

I guess you might question your sanity but we'll overlook that path of thinking. In this scenario, you know it to be true. You have a thousand words of life left. And then that’s it.

James 3:2 says this: "Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way."

I don’t see anyone making those cute little verse graphics to share of that one on instagram.
It’s not a pretty or feel-good verse but it needs to be addressed. This is a real struggle and in a lot of ways, it’s the thing that is diluting the effectiveness of the church today. And know, please, I’m not preaching at you here. I can only write this because God’s been hitting me over the head with it for a solid year now. My study on the subject has reached the point that I have to write about it to sort my own thoughts.  

I've thought about it a lot, and I've come to this solution. I want to start every day as if I only had a thousand words left.
A thousand words is not very many. Already, I've typed 283 words on this page. We have entire conversations, spending hundreds of words, about gas prices and the weather and Miley Cyrus twerking. We make plans and then we talk those plans to death. We treat our language like an infinite currency, thus cheapening it's face value. We are utterly wasteful with our words. 

It might not be such a big deal to just talk a lot about meaningless nonsense if I wasn’t a professed Christ follower. The thing is, deliberation is key for a Christian. We have been commissioned with the task of spreading what is, hands down, the most amazing and unbelievable story known to mankind. We believe that the God of the universe, the creator of everything…EVERYTHING (grasp that, it’s huge), made the choice to pull on skin, be born as a baby to a virgin, live about 33 sinless years then be nailed to a tree and die a horrible death all because he loves us individually and wants a relationship with us. Take a moment to view this from someone’s point of view who doesn’t know Christ. Or remember from your own point of view if you have lived part of your life as a non-believer. 
So, how do we do it? How can we be most effective at sharing this incredible gospel? Well… I think we have to take our one thousand words and use every last one of them in a very calculated way, with complete awareness of the weight we bear as a witness for Christ. We have to be a credible source. We have to establish relationships that reflect that love that sent Him here so that our actions do not contradict our words. Most importantly, we have to consistently LIVE our faith.

I think a person’s first response to finding out they only have a thousand words left would be to immediately lavish their family and friends with loving sentiment.
Seems legit.
I’m a mom. I have babies I’d give my life for. I’m a wife with a husband who I am completely in love with. It seems noble and romantic that if I only had a thousand words left, I’d want to give them all to them. I would be wrong though. Satan has a way of mixing people up here, especially mothers. Because we live with this overwhelming mom-guilt and somehow, if we could SAY we love our kids enough, maybe it would atone for the feeling we have when we fail them. 

Ladies, listen to me here. You are going to fail your kids. You are a human. You are going to fail your marriage. You are going to screw up and let your family down. The only thing you will EVER do that is fail-proof is to reflect Christ to your family so that they might come to know Him. Because He does not disappoint. He never forgets. He never gets too stressed. He never raises His voice in a moment of tension. We could save a lot of words if we would employ our actions. Think of the Proverbs 31 woman. The only mention of her speaking in all 21 verses is that “She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”
I don’t know about you, but I want to be that woman. I want to be the kind of woman who pours her heart and soul into serving her family for 20 verses and only speaks for one.

What about the things we allow to dilute our witness? What about gossip, lies, and arguing? Those things may not seem so destructive, but what if you only had a thousand words? Think about how many you would be willing to waste talking about an irritating friend or co-worker. If that five minute conversation represented a large portion of what you had left, you’d be a lot more likely to just let offenses go. And regarding lying, if you only had a thousand words left, would you want to risk losing someone's trust and causing everything you say to be questionable? Lies can cost a lot of words in the long run and cheapen the potency of the ones you use. Remember, you are living your life to tell a story that’s already hard for some people to comprehend. Don’t you want your words to be as believable as possible?
Oh, and lets touch on arguing and being hateful. You’d think this would be something Christians would accept as truth, considering Christ had so much to say about love, but sadly it isn’t. It may feel like you are doing the work of God when you choose to argue laws and politics and take a stand against things like homosexuality and abortion. The problem is that when you choose to pick a fight like that, often the people get forgotten. Christ wasn’t in the business of laws. He was in the business of souls. And He didn’t die only for “the good Christians”. In fact, scripture makes it clear that we pretty much all suck as people and all fall short of God’s glory. So if you have to make a choice between arguing against abortion or telling a mother who has aborted multiple pregnancies that Jesus found her worth dying for, please, choose the latter. It’s a better way to spend your words because after all, legislation doesn’t change hearts. Jesus does.

About gossip and idle chat, about being untruthful, about being hateful, it all comes down to James 3:11- Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Imagine a man who has been wandering through the wilderness for months. This guy is worn down. He’s tired. He is skin and bones and dehydrated. You have a water bottle of fresh, clean water and a bottle of poisoned water. Clearly he needs something to drink. His life depends on it. You know that and you want to help him. Which bottle do you give him? It’s a no brainer. Well, what if you just mixed the two, and give him that? Have you just given him some mostly fresh water, only a little poisoned, so it will mostly help him?
No, it doesn’t work like that. If you only have a thousand words, don’t dilute them with poison. Keep your water pure. Lives could depend on it.

What about your trials and troubles? You’ve got concerns and fears. Sometimes, you just need to vent.
James 1:19 says “Be quick to listen and slow to speak.” I’ve always thought of this scripture in terms of dealing with people. Sure, it helps in your earthly relationships to open your ears and shut your mouth, but this applies to our relationship with God as well.

Here’s a lesson that I’ve learned well over the past six months. I recently started a project on Facebook where I post daily photos of life in our home. Someone noted to me that there are a lot more photos of my younger sons than my older ones. Yes. That is true. I am currently going through a custody trial with my older sons’ dad, and they are currently only at my house half of the time. The first few weeks of this, when I was first dealing with them being gone, I talked. A lot. I talked to anyone who would listen. I retold the same story over and over and over. Until I just…ran out of words. And then, finally, I really prayed. And amazingly, miraculously, God answered. Over and over, through scripture and well-timed Christian songs, and even perfectly worded Church signs, He answered. And only because I finally shut up did I hear Him. My faith grew. I learned to appreciate my boys in a way I never had before. I learned to trust God even when I am not in control of their lives. And I finally reached a point that I could be thankful for what I’d learned and that my creator loved me enough to walk with me through it. Sometimes, we can focus so much on our problems and being slighted that we don’t even see God working behind it all.
I wish I could say I’m the kind of strong Christian that immediately goes to prayer and my bible when things get tough.  God’s not finished with me yet, but I’ve learned a lot this year. I’ve learned that if I only had a thousand words, I’d spend a whole lot more time in a quiet room with God working through my troubles instead of calling my best friend and venting. Actually, thinking about it from this perspective, there are lost of places I waste words where I should just be praying. There are afternoons where I go put a load of towels away to come back in the bedroom and find my toddler has emptied my entire dresser on the floor. There are times when my husband has hurt my feelings and I feel the need to tell him, in that moment, just how mad I am and why he’s wrong and I’m right. There are instances where customer service is mind-blowingly bad and I lay my Christian face down for a few minutes to let the minimum-wage-worker on the other end of the line know exactly how frustrated I am. If I would just immediately turn my heart to God in these situations and keep my mouth shut, I’d have a lot less regret I’m sure and likely a lot more peace.

I’ve thought about this a lot lately and I’ve come to this.
I want to love my family and friends with not only my words but with my life, efforts and actions (Proverbs 31). I want my mouth to be a spring of fresh water to those who are trying to follow Christ around me as well as those who don’t know Him yet (James 3:11). I want to be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19).
I want to live my life like I only have a thousand words left.
Or a hundred even.
Or ten.

And I want every one of them to point to Christ.

Babywearing 101: A beginners guide to carrying your baby.

I don't just enjoy babywearing, I have to thank it for my sanity. My older sons are 18 months apart. Keeping my first son close was a nice luxury. When his little brother came along, and I found myself caring for a tiny, squishy newborn and a wrecking ball of a toddler, it became a necessity. Years have passed. My big boys are in school and now I am adjusting to two-under-two again. Except this time they aren't 18 months apart, they're 14.

When you believe in the benefits of something, naturally you want to spread the love.  Every time I see a momma in Kroger with a bucket seat filling the cart, a toddler in the seat, and nowhere to put the groceries, I just want to pull my ring sling out and say, "Hey, can I show you something?"
Unfortunately, most people don't take to interfering strangers the way I do. So.

The problem comes when parents venture into the world of carriers and find themselves completely overwhelmed with options.  What carrier is the best for heat? What are the cheapest options? Can I make my own? Why spend so much on a piece of cloth? What size do I need?

The list of questions goes on.  I find myself wanting to educate without a good short answer for all the questions. So I'm hoping to compile a crash course in how to get started wearing your baby. Babywearing 101, if you will.  There's no way to answer every possible question, but I can hopefully equip you with enough information to avoid frustration and giving up.

Thank you in advance to all the mommas that sent in photos to use in this post.

Types of Carriers

Stretchy Wraps

Popular Widely Available Brands:
Moby, Sleepy Wrap by Boba, Hugabub, My Baby Nest

Pros:

•  Easy to find at stores like Target (meaning new parents can put them on a registry)
• Lots of YouTube videos to learn how to wear it. Here are some good ones
• An affordable starting point, as the Moby Wrap or the Boba Sleepy Wrap can 
• be bought new for 45-55 dollars. 
• Fit all sizes
• Comfortable for long periods with smaller babies. 

Cons:

• Pretty hot. Not suited to wearing outdoors in the heat of the summer.
• It's a lot of fabric. Therefore, it can be overwhelming and cumbersome. 
• A little more of a learning curve than simpler carriers. 
• Babies start to sag once they hit around 13-14 lbs. The tag says the weight limit is much higher but realistically, with a baby any heavier than 15 lbs, you will be adjusting a lot. So its possible to wear with heavier babies but possibly frustrating and less comfortable.
• You CANNOT use stretchy wraps for back carries.  They aren't secure enough to keep a determined baby from wiggling out and falling. And lets face it, all babies are determined babies. 

Where to buy new: 

Target, Amazon, Babies R Us. Most big name baby stores and many online retailers now carry Moby Wraps and Boba Sleepy Wraps. 

Stretchy Wraps on the cheap:
You can make your own stretchy wrap very easily.  Just buy 5 yards of 60 in. wide jersey knit fabric from the craft/fabric store. Stores like JoAnn and Hancock routinely have 40-50% off coupons available in store. Hobby Lobby has an app where you can get a 40% off coupon on your phone at any time.   Cut the fabric long ways down the middle so that each piece is 5 yards long and 30 in. wide.  Jersey knit doesn't require hemming as the edges roll.  This gives you two wraps with an end cost of around 15-20 dollars a wrap if you use a coupon buying the fabric.

Name brand stretchies (like those mentioned above) can also be found used on Craigslist or babywearing swaps as babies grow out of them quickly.  They generally sell for around 30 dollars in good used condition. 

Woven Wraps

Popular widely available brands:

Girasol, Didymos, Oscha, Kokadi, Diva Milano, Natibaby, Ellevill, Dolcino, Storchenwiege

Pros: 

• Versatile, allowing for many different kinds of carries, including back carries, front carries, one shoulder, multi layer for more support, single layer for hot days, etc. You can even tandem wear (two babies in one wrap).
• There are many YouTube video tutorials for learning carries. One of my favorites is Babywearing Faith, who has many videos of different carries for all ages of babies
• Can carry babies from birth
• No weight limit. Basically, if your back can handle it, the wrap can handle it. There are photos circulating of adults carrying other adults in a woven to prove the point that that there is no age/weight limit. I have given my 6 year old a ride on my back in a woven recently and while I wouldn't suggest it for long periods, it wasn't bad for the 15 minutes he was up.
• Come in many beautiful colors and patterns
• Come in different fibers for different benefits. For instance, linen/cotton blends are touted for their ability to keep the wearer cool in the heat. Hemp blends are more supportive for heavier babies. Other blends, such as silk and wool blends are also available.  But don't rule out 100% cotton wraps either. 
• Very comfortable for wearing for long periods. 
• Can be pretied before you leave the house and then the baby can be put in and the wrap adjusted once you reach your destination.
• Very secure
• Hold their resale value very well. (More on babywearing swaps further down)

Cons:

• Wrapping can be really hot. The coolest way would be to find a loose weave wrap or a 100% linen wrap and wear it in a single layer carry (like a ruck carry) but even that will be hot outside in a southern summer. 
• Longer wraps can be cumbersome if trying to tie in public. Tails can drag the ground. (Not a problem with shorties.)
• Wrapping definitely has the highest learning curve. It takes practice.  Eventually, you will feel comfortable enough to put your baby on your back in parking lot, but it probably wont happen the day or even the week after you get your first wrap.
• Woven wraps are expensive. There are cheaper options (I'll get to those in a minute) but to just buy a brand name woven wrap will usually cost at least 100 dollars.
• All the available fiber blends, brands, and sizes can be absolutely overwhelming to a parent looking to buy their first woven wrap. 
• Some wraps, such as hemp, take a little while to break in, meaning they are difficult to wrap with when they are new.  This is something to consider when you buy your first wrap. It may be best to buy used or buy something that breaks in quickly, like 100% cotton. 

Things you should know:

• When looking to buy your first woven, you need to consider what you are hoping to do with the wrap. If you are looking to do all sorts of carries, you will want a longer wrap as it will offer the most versatility. Your "base size" is the length of wrap you have the most versatility with. I am 5'7 and 150 lbs. I generally wear a size M/L shirt and my base size is a size 6 wrap (4.6 meters). A size 6 is the most popular base size.  Small mamas can often use 5's (4.2 meters) as their base size. Plus size mamas and Daddies that wear a size L+ often choose a size 7 (5.2 meters). Your height isn't as important when picking your base size as your shirt size. Also, don't stress out too much about this. It isn't like you're going to buy the "wrong size" and not get to wear the wrap. The worst case scenario is that you get one that is too small and you will be a little limited on what carries you can do or you get one too long and you have extra tails left over after tying the wrap. 
• Buying used does not always mean you will save money when it comes to woven wraps. Many wraps are made in limited quantities and become collectors items. When you first check out a babywearing swap, you may be surprised by the prices but keep in mind that people who collect carriers are like coin collectors. They may be willing to pay more than the original value for a particular item.  And all swaps are buyer beware on prices. Just don't assume you are getting the best deal buying used.
• To break in a new wrap, you can steam iron it, braid it (tutorial here), sit on it, tie it around your table and let the kids treat it like a hammock, air dry it, sleep with it, and most importantly, wear it! I've broken in even the most difficult wraps and I've always thought it was kind of fun. Of course, I enjoy ironing. So. 
• Different fiber blends require different care. Wool needs to be hand washed. Silk can't be left in the sun for long stretched (you wouldn't want to line dry or leave it in your car). Keep in mind how much maintenance you are comfortable with when buying your first wrap. 

Where to buy new:

Just a few retailers....

Risaroo

Marsupial Mamas

Woven Wraps

Granola Babies

Woven Wraps on the cheap:

The very cheapest way to make your own wrap is to get a length of Osnaburg fabric, cotton gauze, or 100% linen from the fabric store using a coupon. Hem it to 30 in. wide and whatever length you would like.  Take shrinkage into account when buying your length. These may be less comfortable than a bought wrap, but are a significantly cheaper starting point for someone wishing to wrap but lacking the funds to buy one.

Wrap Nap Fairy is a retailer on facebook that sells dyed, 100% linen wraps at great prices.

Colimacon et Cie ( C & C), Dolcino, and Storch are all brands of wovens that can be bought new for around 100 dollars. They are all 100% cotton and great starter wraps. See above retailers.

Ring Slings

Popular Wrap Conversion Ring Sling Makers:
Sleeping Baby Productions, Zanytoes, Kalea Baby

Popular Ring Sling makers:
Sakura Bloom, Maya Wrap, Comfy Joey

Ring slings can be made from different materials. There are basic ring slings made from fabrics from the fabric store, there are brand name ring slings like Sakura Bloom that deal mainly with silk or linen, and there are wrap conversion ring slings (WCRS) which are slings sewed from the woven wraps I discussed above. 

I'll be discussing the overall pros and cons of ring slings, but keep in mind that how much support a sling offers is hugely dependant on the fabric it's made of. I can wear my 25 lb toddler in a WCRS for 30 minutes with no pain, but I wouldn't be able to say the same for a sling made of plain cotton twill. 

Pros: 

• Only one layer of fabric over baby, so pretty good for hot weather.
• Highly adjustable.
• My favorite carrier for tiny newborns. They poop and eat so much, it's nice to be able to take them out and put them back in so easily.
• Work from birth-toddlerhood (if it's made from a supportive fabric)
• Easy for quick ups and downs 
• One of the easiest carriers to nurse in (Youtube tutorial for nursing in a RS with a cradle hold)
• Fold up pretty small, making them good to keep in the diaper bag or car.
• No tails or straps to drag the ground, so good for using in public. 

Cons:

• Can become uncomfortable after extended periods of time since all the weight it held on one shoulder.
• A bit of a learning curve on how to adjust it for maximum comfort

Things You Should Know:

• Not all rings are created equal.  There are rings made specifically for babywearing (available here). Some sling makers use craft rings and they are not tested to hold the weight of a baby. Please check before buying what kind of rings are used. Craft rings are to be avoided entirely. I've also heard of people using livestock rings from Tractor Supply. These would be safe, but the weight of them could possibly be very uncomfortable. For the best babywearing experience, stick with slings made with rings specifically designed for babywearing. 
• Like wraps, ring slings come in sizes. Also like wraps, you may have an ideal size but that doesn't mean all the others are the wrong size.  I can wear any size ring sling from size XS-XL, but with an XS, it won't have a very long tail and with an XL, the tail will be down to my shin. I prefer a medium because I like to have enough tail to cover baby up if it's too sunny or raining. It's really based on personal preference though.
• Also, there are different "shoulders". Some makers sew the shoulder with pleats, some use a gathered method, some do a hybrid of both. Generally, when you see a listing for a ring sling on a swap or on a retailers site, they will list the shoulder type. I have tried all types of RS Shoulders, and I personally haven't found one I dislike. Some people have a preference but I don't think it's really something you can figure out without trying different styles.
• Many retailers offer the option to buy a "ring sling piece" of a wrap and then have it sent to your favorite converter to have it sewed into a ring sling. They also generally carry a stock of already made WCRS to choose from. 

Where to buy:

Sleeping Baby Productions basic fabric slings

Risaroo- In Stock Ready Made WCRS

Zanytoes Boutique- Cotton, Linen, and WCRS

Kalea Baby Ring Slings

Ring Slings on the cheap:

If you choose to sew your own ring sling, make sure to use quality rings and thread, and reinforce the shoulder with extra stitching. There multiple tutorials online available with directions for sewing the various shoulder styles. I'm not going to post any because having never sewed one myself, I can't vouch for the safety of any particular tutorial.

The cheapest option I know to buy a safe, ready to wear sling would be any of the basic fabric slings listed in the above retailers stores.

Also, WCRS can occasionally be found on babywearing swaps in the 60-80 dollar range if you aren't too picky on the color or size.

Risaroo (listed above) has WCRS made from C & C wraps within the 75 dollar range. 

Pouches

Pouch carriers peaked in popularity a few years ago. Now, they are a less popular choice in the babywearing world, probably due to their lack ability to adjust their size.  I come across them often at consignment sales and they emerge occasionally on the babywearing swaps, usually for around 15 dollars. They are great diaper bag carriers because they fold up so small. If you come across one at a sale for cheap and can try it on with your baby to make sure of the fit, I'd say they are definitely worth having.  I wouldn't suggest them for someone shopping for their first carrier though.

Soft Structured Carriers (SSCs)
Also known as Buckle Carriers

Popular Widely Available Brands:
Beco, Boba, Ergo, Tula, Pikkalo by Catbird Baby, Patapum, Kinderpack, Scootababy, Lillebaby

Pros:

• The easiest carrier to use. Once it's adjusted, you can leave it the same and just take it on and off.
• Little to no learning curve, so great carriers to leave with grandma or the babysitter so they can wear the baby too.  
• Ergo carriers are available at Target, which means new parents can register for them. 
• Distributes weight on both shoulders and the hips, making them comfortable for extended wear. 
• Can be used for front and back carries.  
• Appeal to dads and are a good option for parents looking for one carrier to share.
• Great car carrier since there's nothing to drag the ground when you put it on in a parking lot. 
• Most SSCs have the option to adjust or add an insert to use with smaller babies. And they are great into toddlerhood.
• Easy for quick ups and downs, making them ideal for busy, active toddlers. 

Cons:

• Some women have difficulty with finding a good fit because of the bulk of an SSC, especially women with short torsos, narrow shoulders, or large breasts. 
• Most SSCs come with the instructions to avoid washing frequently.  They can be machine washed but very frequent washing can shorten the life of the carrier. I have very refluxy babies and so far, I've been fine just spot cleaning my SSCs. But I do think it should be mentioned that washing may need to be limited. 

Things you need to know:

• Be cautious if you choose to buy an Ergo. There are lots of fakes. Real Ergos are great, and the fakes are really convincing.  But because the fake Ergo's aren't made by a legitimate company, they don't have to follow government safety regulations. Basically, you're dealing with someone producing a carrier with no accountability. So if a buckle breaks and a baby falls, they don't have to worry about a recall and damage to a brand they've worked to build up. You're best bet is to avoid the temptation to save a buck and only buy an Ergo from an authorized dealer.  If you are buying used, ask for a serial number and call Ergo for authentication. 
• All SSC carriers should be checked regularly to make sure all the seams are sound. Give the straps and waist a hard tug to make sure they are securely attached to the body. 

Where to buy:

PaxBaby - Buckle Carriers
The Sling Station

SSCs on the cheap:

SSCs often come up on the babywearing swaps for less than 100 dollars.


Mei Tai

Popular Widely Available Brands:
Babyhawk, Kozy, Bambaroo, Catbird Baby, Infantino Sash, Mei Tai Baby

Pros:

• Widely adjustable. Because they are tied with straps, they don't need to be sized. For plus sized parents, many makers offer extra long strap options. 
• Easy to get a good fit
• Can be used for front or back carries
• Can be used with small babies to toddlers
• Evenly distribute weight over both shoulders, therefore can be comfortable worn for long periods

Cons:

• Tails can drag the ground while you are trying to tie outside. 
• Since many Mei Tais are made of canvas, they can be pretty hot to wear in warm weather. 

Things you need to know:

• There are also wrap conversion Mei Tais made by wrap makers (Didytai by Didymos, Mysol by Girasol, Hopp-Tye to name a few) and by third party wrap converters. These, like WCRS, will be more supportive and comfortable than basic canvas Mei Tais. The straps are generally wider and the bodies more moldable. 
• If you decide to buy a Mei Tai from a seller that isn't widely known, look for a few things for safety and comfort.  Straps should be sewn to the body with reinforced box stitches for safety. Note the width of the straps. Very thin straps will not be very comfortable. Also, the body needs to be wide enough to support the baby from knee to knee. 
• All mei tai carriers should be checked regularly to make sure all the seams are sound. Give the straps a hard tug to make sure they are securely attached to the body. 

Where to buy:

Babyhawk 

Mei Tai Baby

Infantino Sash on Amazon  

Catbird Baby

Mei Tai Carriers on the cheap:

The cheapest quality Mei Tai that is widely available is the the Infantio Sash. They are available at Target or here on Amazon for around 35 dollars. 

Babywearing Safety

Just a few important safety tips before you get started:

• You should be able to see your baby's face at all times. Make sure his airways are never blocked by bad positioning. 
• Baby should be high enough that you can lean down and kiss her head and see her breathing.
• Baby's knees should be higher up than her bottom and the sling should support her legs from knee to knee. 
• Always be cautious when you are shopping for a carrier, check for the things discussed in the above posts concerning safety and quality. You are going to use this to hold your most precious cargo, and you wouldn't want it to break when you are walking up the stairs with your arms full of grocery bags or when baby is on your back. It's easy to assure yourself it's worth saving the money to buy an inferior carrier because you could catch your baby if he were to fall, but since we need babywearing so our hands can be free for other things, you might not always be able to free them in time. Err on the side of caution. It's worth it. 

A couple of mainstream carriers to avoid:

(Stock images obtained by google search)

The "Crotchdangler"

Ok, so I kind of hate that term. But you will hear it used in the babywearing community when referring to this type of carrier, be it a Baby Bjorn, a Snugli, or whatever other brand. These carriers put a lot of stress on the baby's developing spine and hips. Unlike all the ergonomic carriers listed in this post that support baby's legs from knee to knee, "crotch danglers" support the baby by their groin and leave the legs hanging unsupported. It has not been proven, but it is suggested that this may contribute to issues like hip dysplasia.

 Now, there are a few different schools of thought regarding these carriers. Some people feel that they should be avoided at all cost because of the potential damage they could cause in development. I personally don't feel like Bjorns and the like are inherently bad carriers. I'd rather see a baby being worn than constantly being left in a bucket seat, bouncer or swing.  My kids have always loved their excersaucer or jumparoo, and any negative thing said about a Bjorn could also be applied to the way a jumparoo seat supports a baby by the groin. 

That said, these carriers are wicked uncomfortable. Every time I see a mama toting 17 pounds of baby in one, I just want to offer her my Boba and a shoulder rub. I kind of feel like one of the biggest detriments of a crotchdangler is that a parent might assume ALL babywearing is uncomfortable and throw it the towel before trying anything else.  These aren't cheap carriers either. There are just so many better options for long term and safe wearing, I would only use a Bjorn if it were given to me and I couldn't afford anything else for a while.

The "Bag Sling"

Several brands make a version of this carrier. Infantino, Eddie Bauer, Premaxx, Boppy, Balboa Baby. 

A few year ago, after the tragic death of three babies, Infantino was forced to recall their version of this sling. (Recall notice here).  There are multiple reasons these carriers pose a suffocation risk.

• The baby is slumped into a chin-to-chest position, which can block their tiny, straw-sized airway.
• The sling does allow for airflow around the baby's face.
• The baby is deep in the sling, generally at the mothers waist, so she cannot see or hear her child's breathing cues. 
• The bulky sling has a sort of flat area where the baby lays and a harness to buckle him in. Because the sling does not conform to the shape of the baby, he could possibly roll towards the mother, furthering likelihood of suffocation. 

When it comes to bag slings, just say no. They are dangerous. When I come across them at garage sales and goodwill stores, I buy them just so I can throw them away and keep an unknowing mother from possible tragedy. There are so many good, safe options in babywearing. This just isn't one of them. 

The Online Babywearing Community

When I had my first son in 2005, I came across a discussion on a birth forum about babywearing. Having very low funds and a desire to carry my son hands free, I made my first wrap from a stretchy, clearance, mustard colored fabric (before mustard came back into fashion) I'd found for 1 dollar a yard at Wal-Mart. It was itchy and ugly, but I was hooked.  

The problem was, no one I knew "in real life" knew anything about babywearing. I was so excited but had no one to share it with. Then I found thebabywearer.com. It was an entire online community of women who loved babywearing like me. By the time my second son was born, I'd acquired a woven wrap, a mei tai and an SSC. I'd also used the For Sale or Trade (FSOT) Forum to get several of my friends started with wearing.

Things are different now. The green movement has brought natural parenting into the mainstream and ergonomic carriers are available in stores like Target and Wal-mart. I can finally wrap my son on my back in public without people staring like I've got a second head. Wait, no, we haven't made it that far yet. People still stare. But it's ok. Most comments are positive and I have found myself with many opportunities to share the babywearing love.

Facebook has really revolutionized the way we share information. Just from the photos I post of me carrying my boys, I've been able to educate and inform many moms of the possibilities available to them.  There are multiple facebook support groups where you can ask questions and geek out over your new wraps.  There is a big, fast-moving swap that means you can resell wraps and carriers for almost what you paid, making it financially easier to try new things. And TheBabyWearer.com is still there, a trove of information waiting to be dug through.

Online Swaps:

The Babywearing Swap on Facebook  (Read the sticky post at the top of the group to get started)

Thebabywearer.com FSOT Forum (You need an account and can purchase wraps right away, but there is a minimum requirement of 30 posts to be able to list wraps)

Online Support Groups:

Thebabywearer, link above.

Babycenter Babywearing Board

Thebabywearer Facebook Group

Babywearing Love and Support on Facebook

Babywearing 102 on Facebook

So. I release you into the wonderful world of wearing your baby. Hopefully you will find it as fulfilling as I have. At the very least, you'll be able to put dinner on the table and get some laundry done all while your child sleeps at your heart. 

The Evolution of a Mother

Have you ever had one of those instances where a parallel occurs in your life and the contrast is so stark that you can't help but stop and marvel at it? In 2005, I became a mother. I was young, clueless, and eager. I remember Jackson's one week checkup at the pediatrician. I remember toting in all my stuff, my first time venturing out in the big world with a tiny baby. I was 25 minutes late for the appointment. I remember being flustered as he started to cry in the waiting room and the way my face burned as I felt that everyone was looking at me. There was the issue of my embarrassment to attempt nursing in public and then a diaper explosion and then I dropped my diaper bag trying to juggle all the crap I was carrying back to the room. By the end of the ordeal, I was crying too.
I recently took Ezra for his one week check up. Because they were unable to see us on base, they referred me to a civilian clinic. Coincidentally, it was the same clinic I used to take Jackson to all those years ago. So I found myself sitting in the exact same spot, eight years later with my fourth son. 

The comparison was delicious.

As Ezra started to scream, I discretely began nursing him then changed his cloth diaper on my lap.  I put him back in my ring sling and he was back asleep before I had a chance to feel nervous at all. Motherhood is definitely a learned art, and I've never forgotten that first fiasco of a doctors visit. When I see a mom juggling a newborn in public, I always try to stop and say "I know it's so much harder than it looks. You're doing a good job"

It got me thinking about the mother that Jackson was born to and the mother I am today. It made me think how much I wish I could just sit down and have one conversation with that clueless, eager girl as she waited to take on the greatest commission of her, that is to say MY, life. If I could write a letter to myself to be delivered eight years ago exactly, it would find me learning that the baby I was carrying was a boy. It would go something like this:

Dear Self, 

Right now, you are growing a son.
You don't know what this means yet. I know as soon as the ultrasound tech said "boy", your thoughts went to little blue baby clothes and a sports themed nursery. It's ok, you'll learn how quickly those things will be memories. You'll learn what it means to look at your boy and know that you are shaping the man, the husband, and the father he will be.

It's ok. Enjoy the little blue things. In fact, keep enjoying them. You've got a lot of them to look forward to.

The first thing I want to tell you is that soon you are going to learn about mom guilt. It's the curse of motherhood, the feeling of never being a enough and the fear of failing these small people you love so much.

You are enough.

You don't have to make up for being a young mom. The fact that you are bringing this child into the world at 19 doesn't make you an inferior mother. Good moms come in all kinds of women. It's going to take you a couple of years to figure this out. It's going to hurt in the meantime when people make careless comments in the grocery store and at the playgroups you try as you find a place to fit in. People don't realize how discouraging they can be. Forgive them and then love your kid the best way you can. You don't have to buy all the best baby gear to prove you've got it together. You don't have to do everything yourself. Let people help you. And just love your kid. Enjoy him. Play with him. Do your best. You are enough. 

Don't be embarrassed about you're lack of experience with babies. Plenty of women who have babies at 35 feel just as befuddled as you will. That's part of being a first time mom. Just take knowledge as you come across it. When the lactation consultant at the hospital offers to show you how to change a diaper, it isn't because you are clueless and afraid but because lots of first timers are clueless and afraid. Take her help. And your friend was lying about having to take a test to leave the hospital with your baby. So quit stressing out about it, silly girl. 

I know right now you can't imagine how much you are going to love this little guy. In a couple of years, you are going to learn how that love can multiply. Don't feel guilty about making Jackson share his life with a brother. They are going to be best friends. Confidently give your sons their brothers and then raise them to appreciate them. 

Quit worrying about your stretch marks and what the scale says. Take a moment to appreciate what your body is doing for you. Learn to love your thickened thighs and widened hips and accept the fact that your boobs will never be the same. Trust me, your sons will be worth it. 

You know all those people that keep telling you "It goes by so fast"? They are right. But it's definitely one of those things you'll learn for yourself. 

One day this boy inside of you is going to look at you with his seven year old face and tell you that he loves Jesus and wants to be baptized. It will be one of the proudest moments of your life. It's going to make you realize how quickly the next milestone will be upon you, the things like the day he passes his driving test, the first day of college, the day he becomes a husband...and a dad. 

Someday you won't be so nervous anymore. Through mistakes and triumphs, your guilt will ease and your confidence will grow. You will learn to be a mother. Don't hesitate to encourage other women at every opportunity. It's important and not enough people take up the mantle of being an encouraging force. Take it up. 

You are still enough. You won't always believe it. But try to remember. Jesus found you worth dying for. He also finds you capable of raising this little boy into a man and also the three that will come after him. 

You are enough and you were made to be a mother. 

Love, 

Yourself. 

These boys were born to two completely different women. Both of them just happened to be me. 

Jackson and Ezra, 2013

My Four Sons